A Whisper In The Windstorm
EethanSamurai
A time-traveling hitman wakes up in his next hit anytime he sleeps. When he learns of a remedy that cures fatigue, he betrays the mob in search of their mad-scientist’s invention.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
The concept is interesting, just incorporate the exposition at the beginning into the logline smoothly. I say take the time-travel aspect out of it completely.
Suggestion: A hitman who always wakes up in his next hit betrays his mob boss when he learns a scientist developed a serum that prevents sleep. (~25 words)
Then again, you may want to consider not even putting the waking up in a next hit part in the logline. Because at its core, the story is about a hitman betraying the mob. The waking up part may just be a little too complicated to include in the logline, is all.
For me the hook is a time traveling hit man. ?But I’m not entirely sold on the logic that follows from that premise for the plot described in this logline.
Killing other people is his job, his profession and sleep is the way he moves on from job to the next. ?So why would he want to eliminate the means that enables him ?to move on to his next hit, his next pay day? ?And what is at stake?
This concept has a hit-man (a rather unconventional profession to say the least) at its centre, time travel and super natural mental powers of waking up in future actions. I think there are too many things going on in this concept, too many wondrous elements and too many cogs turning in the one machine? d’ya get my drift.
Why not simplify the concept and make it about one unusual thing, and in addition the inciting incident and goal are not clear from the logline.
I suggest a bare bones break down – the MC is the hit-man, now what happens to him that motivates him to have to take action to achieve what goal?
Hit man + time travel ?has been done in Looper. There’s room for more movies in the same genre but this logline is not clear enough… the logic behind the plot is hard to get for me. I know how hard it is to write a logline for complex scifi movies, just be sure to be straight and logic.
I ?agree with FFF that while the time traveling hit man has been done, time traveling remains a rich vein for drama.
For me, the hook in this logline is that his time traveling is triggered by sleeping; he falls asleep in one “time zone”, wakes up in “another”. ?I’m intrigued by the set up — but not by the plot that follows or, at least, not as the dramatic problem is framed.
I hope you will continue to develop and polish the concept..