Samurai
Posted: 2017-06-19T12:47:29+10:00 In:

A troubled South African teenager learns the true meaning of prayer when he confronts a TOKOLOSHE. (16)

A TOKOLOSHE is an evil spirit indigenous to large areas of Africa.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      When a tokoloshe evil spirit attacks his village a South African teen must (do this thing) to defeat the creature.

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    2. Samurai

      Ok lol

      This story is about a teenager who comes to a startling conclusion about prayer after he, and he alone, is tormented by a Tokoloshe. His family and school life suffer because of it.

      It’s more of a Rites of Passage story with elements of horror.

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    3. Singularity

      Best to define the evil spirit as such instead of naming it – most readers will simply not understand what you mean as they will likely not know the myth behind the creature.

      The big problem I have with this concept is that the moral of the story is: believe in spirits and prey for salvation. This contradicts my life philosophy, so on a personal level I don’t find it interesting nor compelling.
      I would find it powerfull if the boy tried to pray for salvation but is forced to take action in order to stop the monster, and discovers that he can rely on himself instead of superstition and or religion.

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    4. Samurai

      I knew there would be that issue with the tokoloshe. So +2 words lol

      So, yeah, this is the story that’s been driving me nuts for years now. So many things about it that I just can’t get sounding right. That’s why I decided to get the logline right first.

      There’s no point in me talking more about the story really. I just have to get the logline right. If the logline works then I can finally start writing again and get this thing out of me. It really is killing me lol

      I’ll have a another version here soon. Thanks for the communication.

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