Penpusher
Posted: 2019-05-22T02:54:34+10:00 In:

A true story, a man jailed twenty-six years for a crime his twin committed fights a choice: exact sweet revenge on his brother or forgive him to be fully and finally free.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      First of all, I think you’ve got an great idea for a compelling story. Especially as it’s based on the life of real twins. Truth is stranger than fiction — and more interesting.

      However, loglines and plots are not about a choice a character has to make.? Rather, loglines and plots are about the initial choice a character makes that commits him to achieving an objective goal.? One that may eventually bring him to the dramatic crossroads entailed in your logline.

      So what is the dramatic choice the twin makes upon his release? (BTW: I assume that the story kicks into high gear, when the innocent twin finally gets out.) Well, if he chooses to forgive him at that point — fine. But that’s the end of the story. He’s resolved his dilemma. FADE OUT:… CREDIT ROLL

      So, I assume his initial dramatic choice upon being released is to seek sweet and sour revenge.? Hence, this as? a possible logline:

      Freed after 26 years for a crime he didn’t commit, a man sets out to get revenge on the man who did, his twin brother.
      (25 words)

      One question: What kind of revenge does he seek? To kill his twin? Or to prove his guilt so that the real criminal can go to jail?

      Whatever, the dramatic journey he takes may lead him to the climactic crossroads where he finally has the opportunity to exact revenge. Or not.

      That could be the moment of emotional and spiritual truth when he chooses to forgive.

      Finally, I suggest tagging it as biography rather than drama to designate that it’s based upon a real people , real events.

      Hope this helps.? This is a movie I would like to see. Best wishes with your writing.

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    2. Logliner

      Great idea for a compelling story with what can be an interesting journey for the main character, but…

       

      1. A story like this should be a biography, but it is passable as drama.
      2. What could you do to make the forgiveness part a little more interesting??It feels like if the protagonist decides to forgive his twin, the movie would end there. There should be more struggle and some surprise involved.
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    3. Penpusher

      Thanks. This is very helpful. Revenge is to kill his brother.

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    4. Logliner

      SO question then, he kills his brother and then what? Would he not go back to jail.

      From my recent viewing of When you see us on Netflix (disturbing but brilliant), when someone is released from prison, a felon, they deal with the inability to find work, loss of youth, lack of support, – basically very little hope of living a better life. So I would think there would be so many things to deal with at that point.

      Did he know his twin brother? What sort of person is he? Did he continue to commit crimes? The fact that protagonist was convicted means that the twin either didn’t know or is very slippery. How does an ex-con track someone down.

      I’ve heard about the twin theory before but the first time the person didn’t know he had a twin as they were adopted out. Did these twins grow up together and one betrayed the other? What has he been doing for 26 years in jail – did he not appeal? If he knew there was a twin involved, would that not have been a question for the police, jury etc.

       

      I have too many questions about knowing about each other, one got convicted and the innocence of the other wasn’t raised…..

       

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