Logliner
Posted: 2018-04-07T10:50:47+10:00 In:

A Vegas waitress tripled in size falls for the scientist who accidentally enlarged her, sacrificing newfound showroom stardom to save him when he’s kidnapped by her abusive ex, a blackmailing mobster and a wealthy, widowed former showgirl.

A Vegas waitress tripled in size falls for the scientist who accidentally enlarged her, sacrificing newfound showroom stardom to save him when he’s kidnapped by her abusive ex, a blackmailing mobster and a wealthy, widowed former showgirl.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Hi Vincent,

      I’ve read your logline several times but am still unable to understand it. Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar.

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    2. Singularity

      Nor can I figure it out.

      “A Vegas waitress tripled in size ” would seem to be a story in? itself.? It’s certainly going to require some exposition.? ? It raises a question that begs for — yeah, demands an answer in? my mind? before I can read, let alone understand, the rest of the logline.? But, of course, there’s no room in a logline? for exposition.

      There is only one question? a logline should ever raise in a reader’s mind 😕 will the protagonist achieve her objective goal?

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    3. Logliner

      To me this is the classic logline run amuck. Your giving the read way to much to think about making it impossible to see what the stories truly about. In this case, less would truly be more.

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    4. Uberwriter

      “When the scientist responsible for making her popular is kidnapped by her abusive ex, a vegas waitress sacrifices her newfound stardom to rescue him”

      All other detail is unnecessary
      Good luck Vincent J. Paterno!

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    5. Samurai

      “Tripled in size” … so, she’s like, a giant? 5 meters tall?

      How would doing ANYTHING jeopardise stardom for a person 5 meters tall? That’s like, twice as tall as the biggest person ever. She can save the man she loves and then just step back into the limelight? We need some clarity.

      “When her abusive ex kidnaps her new beau, a waitress recently turned into a giant must get him back.”

      This logline also feels like it needs a deadline – like, they’re doing something to the scientist, which provides the urgency for the character to take action. Otherwise … I don’t really know what would make this story engaging, other than that the protagonist is 3 times the size of a normal human.

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