Love Sick Mark
A voyeuristic loner becomes convinced he?s being relentlessly stalked by a secret FBI task force out to drive him insane, erase his identity, and frame him for multiple sex-related homicides.
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A couple of things can be easily fixed in this logline.
Firstly, name your inciting incident. For this story thats going to be the event that either causes the FBI to start following him, or the event that makers him realise that the FBI is following him.
Next up take out the last two lines. We don’t need all that info. Saying that the FBI is out to frame him, or get him (if there is a specific thing they are trying to do to him) is enough.
You then need to specify what your protag’s goal is. Is it to avoid the FBI (probably a little vague). IS it to expose the FBI for something? Is his goal what the FBI is trying to stop him from achieving? Whatever it is, say it.
“When a vouyeristic loner stumbles upon a plot by the FBI to kill the president, he must warn the authorities as the FBI tarnishes his name in an attempt to stop him”
This obviously wont have anything to do with your story but hopefully it gives you an idea.
Thanks for the great feedback jm.
Thanks for the great feedback jm