A wannabe prep girl moves to a new Washington Town far away from home, and will do anything it takes to make it to the top of the social food chain, including murder.
SeanandTaytayPenpusher
A wannabe prep girl moves to a new Washington Town far away from home, and will do anything it takes to make it to the top of the social food chain, including murder.
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“A wannabe prep girl moves to a new Washington Town far away from home, and will do anything it takes to make it to the top of the social food chain, including murder.”
This is backstory, with the last part hinting at a situation for a story. For the logline, moving is not needed. So how does “and will do anything it takes to make it to the top of the social food chain, including murder” translate into a visual story? What is the event which causes her to resort to murder?
What is her goal? What exactly does ‘making to the top of the social food chain’ mean? What will we see onscreen?
Take a look at the Formula tab for more information on constructing a logline.
As Dkpough1 said.
And what does “Washington town” mean? ?A small town or the big city?
Why should we care about this character? ?We certainly don’t want her to commit murder. ?So what’s the emotional hook that’s going to draw us into the story and hold our attention? ?Is there something more than the voyeur factor, watching someone get away with murder?
Interesting, but I feel we need to know who/what is stopping her from achieving her goal.
I think you are missing the hook. ?The logline needs that one extra thing to grab the reader.
Agreed with the above.
I’ll add that many writers often use this same description “…do everything it takes…” to no avail – it adds no detail and therefore is mostly useless in a logline. Best you describe the character as desperate so we can empathise with her desperation, otherwise (as DPG pointed out) it would be hard for the audience to empathise with a killer.