A washed-up news anchor and self-help aficionado, Buck Walsh, finds what may be the saving grace of his career: the lost family home videos from an unsolved double homicide. But watching all 50 minutes of the found footage extravaganza unleashes paranormal forces inside Channel 93’s Public Access TV studio. Buck must put his self-help lessons to the test and discover the demon’s true identity before he becomes the next victim.

The logline is too long, too complicated and utterly confusing. ?Simplify, summarize, shorten.

And how will finding out the demon’s true identity save his life?

The?plot device?in all these versions is that a video “unleashes paranormal forces”. ?Well, that seems rather vague. ? I don’t get a clear visual on ?”paranormal forces” that in my mind. ?

Film is a visual medium so a logline reader should be able to visualize the elements of the logline. ?Whether the visuals in the logline reader’s mind correlate to what the writer has in his/her mind is not the point at this stage in the development process. ?What matters is that the logline is specific enough to generate some strong, clear visual images in the reader’s mind.

So please clarify. Exactly what is the problem, the danger that is created by these unleashed forces that the protagonist must deal with? ?Give me a visual to work with him my mind on that story element.

“Face off”- ditto; it also seems vague. ?It doesn’t generate a clear, focused visual of what the main character must do. ? What is the objective goal entailed in “face off”? ?As a result of these unleashed forces, what becomes his objective goal? And what’s at stake; that is, ?what does he stand to lose if ?he fails to leash the unleashed forces?

Survival is what is at stake. ?And because life or death stakes is always bad for the character, it’s good for the story because it amps up dramatic tension.

But it should not be confused with?the objective goal. For the purpose of a dramatic plot, they are not the same. ?Why? ?Because mere survival is generic — everyone wants to stay alive. ? What distinguishes one life-or-death film from another is not the desire to live, but HOW the character struggles to survive. ?The how is the objective goal, a plan, scheme, a course of action to not just live but to defeat/destroy the threat.

In both Alien and Aliens, Ridley (and everyone else) is in mortal danger of become?hosts for the next generation of aliens.? Obviously, they want to ?live. So in both movies Ripely develops a specific plan, an objective goal to stay alive: evacuate ?and nuke the facility to not merely live but also kill the alien. ? And HOW the plan is executed is what makes the movies so compelling, and Ridley such a strong character.

(And actually, in Alien, evacuate and nuke is Plan “B”. ?Plan “A” — the original objective goal of the crew is to systematically sweep the ship and capture the infant alien.??But when Plan “A” fails, ?Ripley devises Plan “B”, another objective goal.)

So what’s your character’s plan Plan “A” once he realizes that his life is in mortal danger?

Solving the mysterious murder, while it seems to be integral to your story, ?unnecessarily clutters up the logline. ?Isn’t one of the reveals, that the “paranormal forces” is the cause of the mysterious murder? ?Case it solved at that point, ?right? ?End of story, end of film, FADE OUT to screen credits, right?

Well, if I’m deciphering the logline right, that’s not the end of the film. ?It’s probably ?a mid-story reveal. ?The real plot is what the protagonist must do after he realizes this “paranormal force” killed and will kill again.

And if, given the nature of the paranormal, the threat can’t be destroyed then Plan “A” or “B” or “C” is to at least put the evil “genie” back in the lamp, or in this case the video where it lay dormant, trapped for ?50 years. ?Which ?keeps options open for a sequel, a franchise. ?And that’s the potential I can see in this story. ?

But first things first.

Plot points, objective goals, etc. aside, what theme are you exploring in this story?