A web of tragic events unfold when a love-starved atomic scientist allows herself to be seduced by a personable but moody lesbian teen whom she suspects of being a spy.
ZentaneousLogliner
A web of tragic events unfold when a love-starved atomic scientist allows herself to be seduced by a personable but moody lesbian teen whom she suspects of being a spy.
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Is this film really about the danger?being seduced by?a spy puts you in? ?Or is it about the emotional toll of betrayal? ?If it’s about a spy, then it’s a Thriller. ?If it’s about the emotional toll, then Drama.
As a Thriller you definitely need to focus on the dangerous situation the scientist finds herself in and downplay the emotional state of the characters.
If it’s a drama you do the reverse.
So which is this? ?Is it a story about espionage that happens to have a lesbian love affair in it?
Or is it a story of betrayal and lost love that happens to include spies?
If the concept is a period story then it’s perfectly acceptable to specify when it takes place, the time frame and even year if necessary. I think that the addition of Polio adds very little to the character and her obstacles, and if anything complicates the read. Yes it will be harder for her to get around with Polio, but in the context of this genre?it won’t impact her as much as in an others such as action adventure for example.
As DPG wrote, to what end? What will she do once she discovers the lover could be a spy? And what does she stand to lose or gain?
“Submits”? ?Isn’t it rather the case that she’s seduced?
And what is really at stake for her? ?Isn’t it the threat of being blackmailed rather than being killed?
And how does the scientist act on her suspicions? ?IOW: ?what becomes her objective goal when she begins to suspect? ?What must she do?
Actually I have revised it slightly to:
When a love-starved? atomic scientist with polio submits to her first lesbian affair she is thrilled,
but later suspects her young lover of being both a spy and capable of murder.
Hopefully the word polio dates the setting somewhat as during the cold war.
The plot in this logline is vague on account of there being no goal description.
The MC is a scientist who fell for a girl, now she needs to do…
In addition, the lolgine is too wordy and mentions the inciting incident at the end – suspects her of being a spy, best to mention this closer to the start.
After she suspects her new lover of being a spy an atomic scientist must?
Laslty is this set during the cold war or in modern day? I ask as if this is set in modern times the location would have great implications on the stakes – what country would spy on her?