Penpusher
Posted: 2016-02-07T18:40:38+10:00 In:

A whimsical young woman phases into a fire realm being purged of magic and struggles balancing her world and saving the world of her dreams.

A whimsical young woman phases into a fire realm being purged of magic and struggles balancing her world and saving the world of her dreams.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The logline would benefit from more clarity and specifics.? As written, it’s difficult?to decipher what the story is about.? It conceals?and mystifies? rather?than reveal and inform.

      What does “phases into a fire realm being purged of magic” mean??? What is that about?

      What specifically is the “world of her dreams”? ?What does she want to accomplish?? What is her objective goal?? What are the stakes– what does she stand to gain by success, lose by failure?

      And who opposes her?

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    2. Uberwriter

      I agree with dpg be more specific in your descriptions. Plus give us some goals. ?Tells us the story.

      What is purging, who is doing it what must she do to save it. ?Or what is her eventual goal that will save it.

      A whimsical young woman must capture the xxx to defeat the xxx to save a world exists only in her dreams.

      Okay not your story, but you can see how it sets out the beats of the story.

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