Penpusher
Posted: 2016-06-08T10:09:25+10:00 In:

A witty half human, half dog character is discovered by a teenage boy and must kill the boy to protect his secret but instead befriends the boy.

A witty half human, half dog character is discovered by a teenage boy and must kill the boy to protect his secret but instead befriends the boy.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      I like this log-line. It creates intrest for the story but also explains how the dog-man changes in perosnality. Well done!

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    2. Uberwriter

      What is the character’s goal? To keep his nature a secret. A threat arises, a boy. Now, what does the character do in reaction to this? That is what the logline should be.
      I will make an example: When an isolated?human-dog hybird?is discovered by a young boy, he must venture out of his cave and kill the boy before the boy can make his existence known. (~31 words.)
      Or, another example: When an isolated human-dog hybrid discovers his dying brother in the woods, his canine loyalty drives him to risk exposure to find a doctor before his brother dies. (~29 words.)
      Or, taking your friendship aspect and putting a spin on it: When a human-dog hybrid discovers his? human brother has terminal cancer, he must resist his killer instinct in order to fulfill his brother’s dream and take him to (insert place) before he dies. (~32 words)
      In each example, the protagonist has a goal(get his brother to a doctor, take his brother to a place he wants to visit, kill a boy.) And some sort of action(come out of his domain to kill the boy, risk exposure to look for a doctor, resist a compulsion to kill in order to take his brother to the place.
      So, for your logline, what is the protagonist’s goal, and what does he do to achieve it?

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    3. Singularity

      Agreed with Dkpough1.
      The stakes aren’t clear what does he stand to lose or gain by befriending the boy? Accordingly what is his specific goal?

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    4. Singularity

      The concept, while interesting, begs a question: ?how did this hybrid species comes to be?

      It seems to me that although this is a comedy, the friendship needs a stronger motivation. ?Maybe something relating to the half-and-half’s origins. ?Like maybe, he makes friends with the boy because he needs his help to find his genetic-engineer maker for some reason.

      I dunno. Other than that the friendship should be more than incidental bonding . ?It should be motivated by a desperate need.

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