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gilligajLogliner
When a wonder drug makes sleep obsolete, a morally conflicted TV hypnotist decides to help police investigations in a new world where criminals exploit a more fragile and easily manipulated human mind. (1 Hour Crime/SciFi TV Show)
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>>>I guess I see it more that these waking dreams, Recals, are a side effect of not sleeping as apposed to the drug.
And that has happened in experiments where volunteers are deprived of sleep for days.? They start hallucinating; eventually their minds will automatically flip into R.E.M. mode.? Because? R.E.M. sleep is how the brain edits the contents of short term memory, organizes and files what’s left into long term memory.
As I said earlier, I think the premise has interesting possibilities.? I suggest an alternate option might be to develop it as a film franchise.? Like the first film could be the origin story that sets up the premise and the story world, solves a dramatic question but leaves it open ended for further cases, further episodes. (Open ended in that the overarching problem of a 24/7/365 economic system that makes taking the drug a matter of Darwinian survival hasn’t been solved.)
Whatever. Best wishes with your writing.
gilligaj:
You?ve obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into creating the story world for this story.?? I think the premise could be an allegorical critique of our modern 24/7/365 hive economy.
Unfortunately, it seems to me that as currently configured, it requires a lot of exposition? to boot up the story line. There are a lot of terms (?Recal?,? ?the Recal deal?. ?waking dreams?, ?prefrontal?) have to be defined,? a lot of backstory that has to be explained? before anyone can understand what is going on.? Perhaps too much.
I suggest not mentioning the term ?Recals? in the logline because there is no way you can adequately explain it in the same sentence.? The term will leave people puzzled rather than intrigued.
Here?s my meta issue:? my impression is that episode after episode the protagonist?s job is to deal with effects rather than causes.? To go after victims of the drug rather than the villains who are pushing and enabling it.? He?s treating symptons rather than the disease.
In? contemporary crime shows, the protagonist? doesn’t go after the drug abuser who is only an exploited victim; rather the protagonist targets the drug maker and drug dealer.? Why?? Because that is true justice ? not faux justice.? The pursuit of true justice is more emotionally satisfying. It is not emotionally satisfying for an audience to watch someone go after the victims rather than the true villains.
As I understand the concept, the protagonist is a co-enabler of the central dramatic problem.? Now, he can start out that way.? But it seems to me that later or sooner he has to become truly ?woke?, stop being a morally compromised co-enabler and start being a righteous rebel whose objective goal is to take down the system that has created the problem and the people who use the drug? to exploit the problem for their profit and social dominance.
Consider why the 1984 Apple Ad ? which was only shown once ? is considered the most powerful, the most effective advertisement ever made.
My 2.5 cents worth.
But what is there to actually solve? Someone got the drug and killed someone while in a semi-awake state.
There is something disempowering about having common knowledge that people who operate under the drug’s influence (while day-dreaming) get to kill others. If the drug’s side-effects are known, there is not much for the private eye to discover. Then, I would think that more attention would be put to blaming the drug than blaming the half-unconscious perpetrators. Thus, you don’t really have a crime film, but a sci-fi court drama, where a lawyer tries to win a case against the drug company.
Just a note: the private eye probably does not use the drug. Still, he may suffer from delusions.
The story hook is a drug that makes dream obsolete — but has dangerous side effects.? Yet its use still remains legal despite the side effects because of its utilitarian value.? Workers? feel they must take in order to merely survive in a hyper-competitive, dog-eat-dog economy.? Is that a fair representation of your premise?
Since you are developing the project for a TV series rather than a one-off feature film, you gotta have a pilot episode that can immediately grab viewer interest.? What is the initial crime that boots up the plot?? Whatever it is, I suggest the logline be formulated around that episode.
A great example is the pilot episode is “Breaking Bad”:? When a milquetoast chemistry teacher is diagnosed with terminal cancer, he starts cooking crystal meth to provide for his family after his death. (24 words).? Boom! A flawed protagonist, life changing inciting incident, objective goal.? A specific inciting incident in the pilot episode sets up a long term objective goal strong enough to organize, drive and sustain the action for 62 episodes over five seasons.? And spawn a prequel series.? And according to the industry trade papers, has now spawned the development of a movie.
Does the protagonist have a long term objective goal that can organize and drive the action from one episode to the next, from one season to the next?? Or is it truly episodic on the meta level:?? one darn thing thing this week… and then another darn thing next week.. and then… and then… but no meta objective goal, no overarching dramatic question that will only be answered (finally) in the last season?
I think that your premise may have similar franchise potential, but I admit that it’s not an easy sell.? It’s not easy to encapsulate in a pithy, punchy logline.
One last observation: “emotionally unstable” seems to me to be vague; it can cover a wide terrain of psychological problems. I suggest focusing on a specific disorder.? Like he’s bipolar.? Or he’s a highly functional schizophrenic.? That is, he suffers from his own “waking dreams” without the drug, audio and visual hallucinations? — but he knows they are merely hallucinations. Just as a lucid dreamer knows the dream is only a dream and he can act override the dream scenario and act with intentional agency. (I have talked to a functional schizophrenic to know it is possible for a few to discern the real from the unreal. It’s not an easy concept to pitch.? But some ground work has been laid by the movie “A Beautiful Mind.”)
Whatever.? My point is that the distinguishing characteristic should be a flaw or strength (or both!) that is congruent with the dramatic situation, to the dramatic problem he has to? resolve.
fwiw