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Looking4h2oLogliner
A young black Swedish girl arrives on Australian shores only to lose her new husband in an inexplicable farming accident Drawn to misfits, her new friends path to expunge their own demons help her to uncover how her husband died. But will that ease her demons?
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Perfect logline I like it but make it a little bit shorter
While many elements of a good logline are included, you’ve included a lot of excess info that makes it sound more like a back of the DVD description. It’s a good start, but try trimming it down a lot. i.e. “A young Swedish/Australian transplant struggles to uncover the mystery of how her husband died”. Of course, to hook us, you will need to include more about her struggle, which should be the center of the logline. The misfits, the friends, the inner demons, that can all be cut.
There are a few questions here. What is her goal? Why do people doing something, help her find the truth about her husbands death?
We need connective tissue here, we can also drop a few things. Let’s start with what we can drop. “misfits”, everyone has a bunch of misfits in there story. It is the most over used phrase in the world and doesn’t have a concrete definition. Misfits can add confusion rather than clarity to a story. The other thing to drop is the question. Don’t have a question in your logline. Write a logline that will make your reader pose that question for themselves, or make the topic of the question a character goal.
What we need here is a goal and some obstacles. What you have described is what the film feels like, not what it is.
Sorry start again I cant seem to edit it
A young black Swedish girl arrives on Australian shores only to lose her new husband in an inexplicable farming accident? Drawn to misfits, her new friends path to expunge their own demons help her to uncover how her husband died. But will that ease her demons?