Logliner
Posted: 2013-08-04T16:00:11+10:00 In:

A young boy living in Australia try's to earn some Money by selling paper's just so he can support his Family

The Paper boy

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    4 Reviews

    1. Hey Matt.

      The notion is good although it needs to have a poignant inciting incident to boost a ‘drama’ entailed story, if that is the direction you’re heading for.

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    2. Singularity

      Good start, It needs that “one more thing” as Axel mentioned.

      ‘When a greedy banker threatens to foreclose, an enterprising young boy attempts to save his home and deadbeat family by selling newspapers.”

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    3. Samurai

      Sorry Mat … your logline is pretty flat. It’s been worded in a way to disguise the fact that all you’ve told us is a young boy gets a job delivering papers.

      What is the scenario that makes your young boy the sole breadwinner for his family? This could clarify both the inciting incident and the stakes.

      Besides being young (describing the protagonist as a boy tells us this anyway) what do you know about his character that could reveal his flaw in the logline?

      After getting the job, what is the character’s goal? I get that it’s to provide for his family … but that’s not cinematic. What is the concrete, physical thing he’s trying to attain to ensure financial stability for his family, that an audience can watch and go “I get it.” Is he in danger of losing the job, and must complete an impossible number of deliveries in a single week? Does he have to beat some other paper boy for the route? This will also determine genre and tone, so it’s super important that it’s in the logline.

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    4. Logliner

      Hey Mat, I guess there’s something missing like that ‘pow’, kick people in the face with your ideas. Good things to remember, picking it up from Karel’s writing class are these, especially for loglines.

      1. Character
      2. Inciting Incident
      3. Goal
      4. Obstacles
      5. Stages
      6. Antagonist

      God bless and see you at school tomorrow!

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