Penpusher
Posted: 2018-02-22T14:19:04+10:00 In:

A young girl struggles to keep her family together after her mother gets hooked on drugs.

A young girl struggles to keep her family together after her mother gets hooked on drugs.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The structure of the logline is off – it should be inciting incident first then the MC’s action.

      After her mother gets hooked on heroin, a girl must…

      Give her a better description than “…young girl…” – it’s so generic that I have no idea who she is or what her flaw would be.

      Secondly, “…keep her family together…” is a vague description of her actions in the story, what specifically will she do to keep them together? And how will we, the audience, know she succeeded? What final objective will illustrate that visually, or in other words, what specifically is her goal?

      • 0
    2. Uberwriter

      Can you give us a specific scenario that demonstrates this. Leading up to a court appearance, little sisters parent teacher interview.

      Little Miss Sunshine was a family falling apart set against a child?s talent show.

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      Nice but is there a reason or a ticking clock.

      Just needs ?why this story, why now?

      Good start.

      • 0