Fundamentally, I think this lacks originality.? It even lacks a different twist on an otherwise already-done plot.

The college fraternity element is the weakest link of the chain.? On the face of it, so what if the killer is hiding in a college fraternity?? I mean, if the killer was part of an exclusive gentleman’s club (perhaps a Freemason?) – or even better, part of the legal fraternity (a court judge?) – then that would have a stronger ‘so what’ factor.? (Still would not be a very original story concept, but would make the stakes higher and clearer for the daughter.)

While I still don’t think that the whole concept is compelling, I would recommend – as a bare minimum change – that the killer be implied to be someone extraordinary.? For example:? a presidential candidate, a leading medical scientist or surgeon, a rogue secret agent, or even a vampire or alien conspirator.? (I admit these examples are trite and stereotypical, but they should communicate my point clearly.)

Going further, I would suggest a couple of other changes:

a) Say “alleged murder” of the mother – leaving the reader guessing that maybe she’s not actually dead (!) … Some producers may like the possibility of ripping off “Gone Girl” a bit.

b) Perhaps say one thing interesting about the daughter.? For example:? she’s “psychic”, or epileptic, agoraphobic, has severe allergies, or even communicates with spirits and/or the dead.

If you make all three changes I am suggesting, I think your story idea will at least come across as ‘interesting’.

Good luck with it.

Steven.