Penpusher
Posted: 2019-06-25T17:44:57+10:00 In:

a young Hispanic man finds himself thrust into a nightmare when he begins working at a secluded orchard owned by an eccentric elderly couple, who plan on sacrificing him to their dark tree god.

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    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      So why doesn’t he just run away?? Problem solved.

      If he doesn’t run away because he doesn’t know what their plans are , the logline needs to indicate that.? If he knows and can’t run away, then the logline needs to indicate what is preventing him from fleeing.

      Also, if? he comes from? a Caribbean? country, such as Cuba or Puerto Rico, than it’s okay to call him Hispanic.? However, if he’s from Central or South America, then he’s Latino.? A distinction many gringo’s don’t realize or think is important.? But to Spanish speaking people, it’s a big deal. (Most farm workers are Latinos.)

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    2. Singularity

      >> but to plant a new tree someone has to ingest a seed and it will slowly grow inside you till it eventually bursts from within. the trees give fruit with the faces of its victims and when eaten this extends the life of the consumer. So he?s spiked with a seed in a meal they serve him and it slowly grows through the story resulting in him going slowly mad and physically being drained…

      It seems to me that the seed is? the story hook of your story.? ?And I think it’s a good one.? It hooks my interest more than? some yada-yada about a human sacrifice to a tree.? So I suggest you, uh, “seed” and frame your logline? around what makes the seed peculiarly lethal..

      For some guidelines on how to frame an industry standard logline, check out “Our Formula“

      fwiw

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    3. Singularity

      So… a Latina Ripley is the host for a vegetable Alien.

      Taking the revised version literally, her objective goal is to escape (…she must struggle to escape…).? Which means she could escape — but still die because? the seed is still inside her.

      Isn’t her objective goal to “weed out”? the seed?? Fleeing her tormentors is either a step toward getting rid of the seed or the denouement that would follow after “weeding” out the seed.? I don’t know the sequence you of events you have in mind.

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    4. Singularity

      Hmm.? Are you just trying to tell an old fashioned horror story?? Or do you have an allegorical subtext in mind, a social or political theme?

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    5. Singularity

      Well, then I have a modest? and outrageous suggestion. Take a cue from William Blake’s adage, “the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom”.? And if not to the palace of wisdom, then, perchance,? a script sale and maybe a hit movie.

      IMHO, the “dark tree god”? seems contrived.? As if you were trying to gin up a motivation for why the wicked farm couple would make their farmer ingest the bad seed.? ?Why not just put it out there front and center:? the farm couple get farmer workers to ingest the seed to punish them for being illegal immigrants (as most of them are).? They exploit them for the growing season and then kill them off with the bad seed so they can’t remain in the country, disappear into the underground economy (which most of them will eventually do).

      She could have been singled out because she’s pregnant (a rape victim on the farm?) and for darn sure the farmers don’t want an illegal immigrant to give birth to a child who would automatically be a naturalized citizen, free from from the threat of deportation.

      Look how Jordan Peele addressed the issue of race in “Get Out”, the most talked about movie of 2017 and a box-office hit.

      fwiw

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    6. Singularity

      Okay, as long as the black tree fits in your allegorical scheme.? Like,? the tree of death in the fields of agribusiness as the antithesis to the tree of life in the garden of Eden.? Whatever.

      ?

      (And maybe the bad seed was the result of a GMO mutation.)

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