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DenniseKJPenpusher
Posted: October 17, 20202020-10-17T13:10:59+10:00 2020-10-17T13:10:59+10:00In: Comedy

A young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.

A young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2020-10-20T11:33:23+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2020 at 11:33 am

      I think the premise has promise but it needs polishing and fleshing out.

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      • dpg Singularity
        2020-10-20T11:35:18+10:00Replied to answer on October 20, 2020 at 11:35 am

        >>>a desire to experience independece

        Independence to do what? What, specifically, is her Big Dream?

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    2. kofi Agyare Penpusher
      2020-10-19T09:18:24+10:00Added an answer on October 19, 2020 at 9:18 am

      it is missing the basic element of a log line

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    3. Ninann22 Logliner
      2020-10-17T13:46:32+10:00Added an answer on October 17, 2020 at 1:46 pm

      After reading the Logline it’s not completely clear. it’s missing conflict, antagonist force and the protagonist goal. Ask yourself this. What is the one thing that will drastically change the protagonist life? What is stopping her? The ultimate goal? It has to be more than day to day life. It has to grab the reader and the audience attention. It’s a comedy so this is great time to get creative. I mean does she have to stay at her horrible job? Is there a love interest that is keeping her there, or maybe planning revenge on the management. Keep thinking about the possibilities.
      Keep it up.

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