Wedlocked
?A young lawyer?s world turns upside down when the woman he met as a freshman dies the day of their wedding. As a result, he must choose to live his current life which is a product of joint decisions or find the person he was just before he met her”
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Interesting concept. I’d change “the woman he met as a freshman” to his “college sweetheart” or simply “fianc?”. There is some relationship confusion. Maybe add emotion with calling her “the love of his life”. Also, the fact that he is a lawyer does not seem to inform the concept or the troubles he will now face. I’d guess that you want to focus on the fact that he has always planned his life based upon this relationship. We need a job or adjective that really tells us why this protagonist is the PERFECT protag for your story. Finally, strive to cut it to one sentence. Focus on the necessary verbs, and build around that. You’ll find that there is some fluff there for cutting (i.e. – “world turns upside down”). Good luck!
Good advice, I appreciate it. So you think that my protagonist’s job must be conflicting from it’s very nature?
Good advice, I appreciate it. So you think my protagonist’s job must be conflicting by nature?
Not necessarily conflicting. It just needs to relate to the story (or be omitted from the logline). So, for instance, John McClane is a New York cop. That doesn’t conflict with the movie, rather it helps us understand why he has the skills to accomplish his goals. In contrast, a movie like Sister Act, where our hustler protagonist is the last person who belongs in a convent. It just has to serve the story. Right now, I don’t see where a lawyer serves your story in any way.
My sense of the logline is that the lawyer became a lawyer at the behest of his girlfriend. Had it not been for her, he would have not chosen to pursue that career path. This implies he gave up his definition of a dream job and dream life for her definition.
Now he has a choice to make: fulfill her dream for him (out of of duty, love, remorse) or opt out of her dream and pursue his own, his own objective goal which is…?
Well, what is his objective goal? What is his own personal dream?
That’s the idea, dgp. He attained his maturity and constructed a future inspired in that relationship/partnership. Now he feels like he’s back at day 0, when he was 18 just about to meet his future wife. Now I get it wlubake, in terms of logline it doesn’t make a difference. Thanks!
Consi:
I find the premise interesting, but why not have her die after he’s married, fulfilled HER dream for him by building a successful practice after years of hard work and lean times, even raised a family?
I think the current time frame for the premise makes it too easy for him to reboot his life. That is, the risk, the struggle, the stakes are considerably less than he would incur after having locked into long term commitments like a career, a marriage, a mortgage, raising a family, etc.
fwiw.