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henbSamurai
A young man smokes marijuana chronically for a decade despite disapproval from his parents, mainly because he enjoys its numbing and uplifting effects, which helps when you despise the state of the world.
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The logline sets up a character and a situation, but not a plot.? Suggest running this through the logline generator.
What is the result of him smoking marijuana for that long?? What? must he do over the course of the story?? He just sounds like a cantankerous little pothead and I don’t really need to know more until he has something to worry about.
Does the lead character, by chance, have a goal?
As dpg pointed out, this is simply a character and a situation. How will this sustain a 90min+ runtime? What is actually going to happen on screen. As Richiev said, does the character have a goal? So he despises the world… what’s he going to do about it? What is he going to do about his parent’s disapproval? What is the event that kick starts this story?
As dpg said, try running this through the generator and see what you get.
“Without intention and obstacle – it’s journalism.” – I stole that from Aaron Sorkin.
Lets give him a strong intention and strong obstacle…
A cynical teen sets out to smoke marijuana nonstop for a decade, antagonising his parents – who are both anti-drug politicians.
A cynical teen, unable to enjoy his marijuana fix because of the world’s problems, sets out to fix them.
INTENTION: In order to live life to its fullest (and enjoy his marijuana) he must fix the world’s problems.
OBSTACLES: The world’s problems.
I’m wondering if the marijuana is even necessary in the logline?
Perhaps just…
A cynical teen, unable to live life to its fullest because of the world’s problems – sets out to fix them.
Tell me what you think?
A young man, desperately numb, sets out to fix the world?s problems ? in order to feel something again.
(18 words I think? Nice and lean.)