Penpusher
Posted: 2013-08-04T11:53:26+10:00 In:

A young motorcycle rider who wants to become a police detective but suddenly 5 people are killed and the killer is unknown and if he solves this case he can become a detective.

riding into the darkness

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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Hey fighter200,

      I think I know what you’re going for but I think the story could use some work. The best thing to do is to ask questions and research how Police officers are promoted in the force because I know they have to work at a level before they are promoted to Detective which may take a few years on the force. So he’s jump from motorcycle rider to Police detective because a killer is on the loose is a stretch. Could it be that the motorcycle rider is already a Cop? And solving this case could mean a promotion? Ultimately, that’s in your hands but I think I know what you are trying to do.

      God bless!

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    2. Singularity

      The reel world of cinema can take liberties with the real world — but not like this premise. In the real world, the character has to join the force as a rookie cop, get the training, work and study his way up the ranks.

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    3. Samurai

      Totally agree with DPG. You can’t convince an audience that the entry exam for any police force anywhere in the world is to solve a quintuple murder.

      Beyond that … young tells me next to nothing about your protagonist. What is the flaw?

      Could you strengthen the stakes? Make it less about the job and more personal/primal?

      “An ex-biker turned detective defies an apathetic police force to seek vengeance on his brother’s murderers during a gang war.”

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