Fallen in love with Christ, a young Muslim girl finds out that her existence depends upon her recognition of the truth – she’s in love with a non-existent person – her seek for truth only leads her to reveal her true nature – goodness and curiosity – questions asked and answered, her seek – immortality.
RheaSolarisLogliner
Fallen in love with Christ, a young Muslim girl finds out that her existence depends upon her recognition of the truth – she’s in love with a non-existent person – her seek for truth only leads her to reveal her true nature – goodness and curiosity – questions asked and answered, her seek – immortality.
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“A young girl looks to another faith, but immediately finds that her mortality may lie with a false deity.”
While I think Foxtrot is on the right track, this attempt doesn’t describe a plot. What’s the inciting incident? What goal does that event cause the main character to pursue throughout the story? How does she go about achieving that goal?
Any logline for a film or television show should describe a visual action, something the producer can imagine on screen. Whether that’s driving, shooting, fistfights, even praying. What causes her to believe in a false deity? How is that represented visually? What’s the conflict that will be resolved at the climax of the story?
Eliminate the specific faiths for the purpose of the logline…
A young girl looks to another faith, but immediately finds that her mortality may lie with a false deity.
It also reads very clunky. I’d work on the flow to smooth en out the hook. Eliminate the names, Neero and Sara are unfamiliar to me, adjectives work better in loglines.
The logline sets up the dramatic situation of a girl who falls in love with someone who turns out to be too good to be true — he’s a demon. ?That’s a good story hook.
But it’s tricky in terms of a logline because the story hook concerns a reveal that (I assume) doesn’t occur until at least midway through the story. ?And the general rule is that logline only describes events in the 1st Act that set in motion a struggle for an objective goal.
Further, a logline should never reveal how the story ends. ?A logline should set up a dramatic question– but it should never give away the answer to the dramatic question.
So what is the dramatic question this story raises? ?When she realizes he’s a demon, what does must she do? ?What becomes her objective goal?
“A young muslim girl in 1900s in India falls in love with a duke only to find out that it?s a Demon, according to herself he?s a descendent of Christ, following whom leads her to her own death.”
If you haven’t already, I suggest going over the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on forming a logline.
Your logline suffers from a few problems. The first is that it doesn’t describe the plot. As a result of falling in love with this demon, what does she have to do? What goal does she pursue? I don’t keep up with religious things, but I think that a Demon being a descendant of Christ raises some questions.
The logline should describe a visual action, what the viewer will see on screen. It should describe a goal that has a visual climax so the viewer will know the story has been resolved.