A young Rap Mogul, faces a huge dilemma, when he finds out his best friend is also interested in the same woman he’s falling in love with. He must figure out, if friendship is worth losing for his heart.
KeeksboutitPenpusher
A young Rap Mogul, faces a huge dilemma, when he finds out his best friend is also interested in the same woman he’s falling in love with. He must figure out, if friendship is worth losing for his heart.
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>>>his best friend losing revenue because of her relationship with the protagonist
Based upon my understanding of the story, what I am suggesting is that it would destroy their very lucrative business relationship as well as their friendship.? They need each other to survive and thrive in a ruthlessly competitive business; they complement each other’s strengths and compensate for each other’s weaknesses.
Good notes by nicholasandrewhalls.
To which I would suggest it would ratchet up the tension in the dilemma if his best friend is also his business partner. And the girl is his most successful client, his most lucrative revenue stream.? It raises? dramatic tension and the stakes.? More is to be lost than just friendship.
The first problem you really need to resolve is; what is the the rap mogul’s goal, and what action does he take to achieve that goal, in the film. Because that’s going to be what the bulk of the movie is about.
A logline has two parts — the event, and the action. The event almost always describes the call to adventure or the inciting incident; the major thing that happens in act 1 that sets the story in motion. The action is the action that the protagonist takes in response to that event, and describes the majority of act 2, possibly everything all the way to the ending.
Therefore, if your logline is: “A rap mogul finds out his best friend is interested in the woman he loves …”
That is an event. It’s a weak event — because the friend is just interested in the woman, and therefore the conflict could be resolved with a conversation. Much bigger would be if the best friend slept with the woman. “When a rap mogul catches his wife sleeping with his best friend …”
But what your logline doesn’t describe is the ACTION that the protagonist takes in response to that event. All it says is that he ‘faces a huge dilemma’?and ‘must figure out’ — which, ok, he does need to do those things, but?characters make thousands of decisions, face thousands of dilemmas, and must figure out thousands of things in screenplays and films. Once he’s ‘figured it out’, what does he do next? What action does he take? Perhaps he plots to murder his friend? Perhaps he gets to work writing the world’s greatest diss track? Whatever it is, that’s the meat and potatoes of your story … and it’s currently absent from your logline.
I also wanted to note that if you remove ‘rap mogul’ — and say, add ‘lonely architect’ — the logline becomes incredibly generic. So ‘rap mogul’ is the slightly fresh spin here. The ACTION that he takes should probably deepen that hook; it should probably take place in the rap world, and the action should reveal that (like if he writes and releases a diss track) — because as an average movie goer, I’m not aware of many romantic dramas that take place in that sub-culture.