Penpusher
Posted: 2020-06-10T09:02:27+10:00 In:

A young woman, with the aid of her odd-ball friends learns to love life again after heartbreak.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      In addition to savinh0’s comment, what does she stand to lose if she fails? What are the stakes? What’s getting in her way? Who or what antagonistic forces are working against her? We have to understand WHY we need to care enough about this character. As it currently stands, this is every film about a break up. What sets yours apart from every other? In other words, what’s your hook?

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      Hey drewfoxsmith,

      I see you posted your first logline here. Welcome!

      First of all: have you read the formula on how successful loglines should be written? You can find it above right next to START HERE.

      Your logline should have a main character (young woman), an inciting incident (call for action) and a goal your protagonist tries to achieve.

      In your case, you have a main character (young woman), but the other two elements are missing. So ask yourself this:

        • what does my main character want (that’s the goal of the story; like finding a partner)?

       

        • what is the inciting incident in my story (e.g.: when the young woman gets fired)?

       

        • also: don’t use descriptions like ‘young’ when describing your main character: better go with a flaw like ‘abandoned’.

      Your first attempt isn’t bad, but what you wrote here is mostly a summary of the plot with the life lesson of your main character. But your logline should be about the visual goal your character goes after in your story.

      • 0