the haunted school
fighter200Penpusher
after 3 teenagers are killed which exploring a school thats been closed for 20 yearsan aging cop decides to take on the case and he eventually realizes there is more to this case than he could ever imagine.
Share
The sentence doesn’t make much sense due to the grammar errors, as a result, it is hard to understand the concept.
Who is exploring the school that was closed 20 years ago? How is this relevant to the plot?
What I did understand was that the main character is an aging cop and the inciting incident is the 3 teenagers being killed. If that is the case, why does the school need to be mentioned in the logline?
Also “…realizes there is more to this case…” is too vague to include in the logline. What does he realize and how? If this is going to be his obstacle best to describe it in a clear and accurate manner.
Hope this helps.
The sentence doesn’t make much sense due to the grammar errors, as a result, it is hard to understand the concept.
Who is exploring the school that was closed 20 years ago? How is this relevant to the plot?
What I did understand was that the main character is an aging cop and the inciting incident is the 3 teenagers being killed. If that is the case, why does the school need to be mentioned in the logline?
Also “…realizes there is more to this case…” is too vague to include in the logline. What does he realize and how? If this is going to be his obstacle best to describe it in a clear and accurate manner.
Hope this helps.
A retired detective must face the biggest challenge of his life by retracing the steps of three murdered students in an abandoned institution.
??
A retired detective must face the biggest challenge of his life by retracing the steps of three murdered students in an abandoned institution.
??
What makes this case personal to your protagonist? Why should I care if he STARTS this investigation, much less watch the film long enough to find out ‘there’s more to the case than he can imagine’ – which is so obvious an element in any whodunnit that you don’t need to waste words saying it. Your logline needs to grab your audience without having to state explicitly that there will be shocking reveals in the second half.
What makes this case personal to your protagonist? Why should I care if he STARTS this investigation, much less watch the film long enough to find out ‘there’s more to the case than he can imagine’ – which is so obvious an element in any whodunnit that you don’t need to waste words saying it. Your logline needs to grab your audience without having to state explicitly that there will be shocking reveals in the second half.
this is pretty sick i like this idea it could be good.