After a crazed general conquers the mystical rainmakers, a bullied boy must raise a rebellion to defeat him, before another ?Noah?s? flood wipes out humanity.
hihello8484Logliner
After a crazed general conquers the mystical rainmakers, a bullied boy must raise a rebellion to defeat him, before another ?Noah?s? flood wipes out humanity.
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You should connect the inciting incident to the lead character in some way in order to make the goal personal to your hero.
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“When his village of rainmakers is conquered by a crazed Admiral determined to create a new “Noah’s Flood” a bullied teen must raise a rebellion to stop the evil commander before all humanity is drowned except those in the evil fleet”
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In my logline example I make the hero part of the conquered village, now the hero has a personal stake in defeating the bad guy.
One more thing.
Another reason you should make your hero a part of the mystical rainmakers, (besides making the story personal)
is because the lead character’s goal should be to find the legendary ‘song of the sun’ that will stop the rain,
and the only one who has the power to sing the song is the bullied teen.
You see, he was bullied because he could never create rain no matter how hard he sang and danced.
The other kids made fun of him.
That’s because he has the power of the sun, he is a sun maker. The one who can bring the sun and stop the rain.
He just doesn’t know it yet.
He searches for the legendary song of the sun to stop the rain
When the power to bring the sun was inside him all along.
He is the song.
Richiev? offers a good enhancement.? ?When your story hook is magic — as it is in this case — it has to be? kept central to the working out of the dramatic problem.? It should not be tossed to the periphery as it seems to be in version 1.0 of the logline in which the kid saves the day with nary a word about doing it with any magic.