After a disastrous test screening of his latest movie, a hot-headed and volatile Hollywood film director holds the audience hostage with a shotgun and forces them to provide honest feedback.
daleynixonLogliner
After a disastrous test screening of his latest movie, a hot-headed and volatile Hollywood film director holds the audience hostage with a shotgun and forces them to provide honest feedback.
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OK, let’s say that “holding the audience hostage at gunpoint” is the decision that pushes the story into the Second Act.
What is the director trying to do next? Getting honest feedback is a desired result, not a specific action.
What does he do in order to get honest feedback from them?Does he kill one audience member every hour? Does he force them to watch the movie again and again until they throw up?
Also, what is “honest feedback?” Negative feedback is usually honest. “Dishonest feedback” is usually positive, given by people who don’t want to hurt the receiver. What kind of feedback does he want?
Perhaps he wants to get their “positive feedback.” But again what purpose would this serve? Would it only help his hurt ego?
If the? preview is a disaster why would the director hold everyone hostage for “honest feedback”?? A disaster implies he got honest — and negative — feedback.? Why would he be holding everyone hostage to get the kind of feedback he just got?
Is the director the lead character, because from your logline it seems that is the case, however, the lead character doesn’t sound sympathetic.
If the story is told from the point of view of one of the hostages, then the logline should be written from their point of view.
One more thing, if you want the audience to root for the director to succeed (Assuming he is the lead) then you need to give us sympathetic stakes.
The lead needs to have a good screen test or his entire world will come crashing down.
What will the lead lose if the screen test fails, what is the director fighting to save? His marriage? His home? Custody of his five-year-old daughter? His job? Does he owe money to the mob? Will he be forced to sell oranges at the freeway on-ramp???
The bigger the stakes, the more the audience will sympathize?with the leads unsympathetic?actions.
Agreed with all the above comments. I’ll just add that it seems better suited for a short film than a feature length one, is that the intention?
Also, Hollywood insider stories are notoriously hard to pitch successfully and very hard to distribute – unless, that is, there’s a big name star (or two) already attached. Best keep that in mind…
>>>Also, Hollywood insider stories are notoriously hard to pitch successfully
Amen! And double, triple hard if you aren’t an insider yourself.