Penpusher
Posted: 2020-07-15T12:52:55+10:00 In:

After her kitten was kidnapped, a girl must team up with her friends to track down the thief by invading his home.

Catnap

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    10 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Surely his goal is to get the kitten back? Figuring out the motive isn’t the goal, that’s merely something that is a “nice to find out along the way” kinda thing. Do the police really investigate kidnapped pets? My cinematic history has taught me this is a job for a pet detective.

      I don’t really understand why the detective would force the chief to end the investigation either.

      As it’s a family film, why not cut the police out of the equation and have the girl become the detective. The police aren’t interested because they’re too busy, so it’s up to her. Maybe her father is a cop so there’s additional conflict from that relationship. In my mind, this is much more logical and much more family friendly. She could team up with her friends, Goonies style, and suddenly I feel so much more compelled by this idea. Family films are rooted in comedy most of the time, and I struggle to see the humour in a police detective investigating a catnapping. A group of kids, each with a different set of skills, playing a different cliched role within typical and more mature cop films, take crime tropes and make them fit a family friendly situation, and you have an endless supply of humour for all ages.

      I appreciate this might not be the story you want to tell so take from here what you wish.

      Hope this helps in some way.

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    2. Singularity

      In a logline, words matter, besides the issue of not starting off in the present tense, an easy fix, (When her kitten IS stolen) the big issue with this logline is the wording.

      How can they invade the thieves home if they haven’t tracked him down?
      This wording comes across as backwards.

      How does invading his home help them track the thief down since, if they know where the thief lives, they have already tracked him down?

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    3. Samurai

      The first thing that stands out to me… it’s weird that he has to find out the “motive”. I mean, if it was just to find out who did it, that’s pretty straight forward, but the motive implies the detective knows who did it. So is it that he needs motive to convince him? Or some other reason? Either give some hint as to why just the motive, or I’d just make the detective have 7 days to find out who did it.

      The next main issue is that there are no stakes mentioned. There’s a time limit, which gives a bit of urgency, but, what happens if the kitten is not found in that time? You can just say “seven days to figure out the motive of the suspect or else force the police chief to end the investigation.” or… “or else the family will take matters into their own hands”… something like that.

      And.. a family kitten getting kidnapped is pretty weird…. plus.. if you have a suspect and just don’t have a motive, that kind of tells me that you can just go ahead and get the kitten. If there’s no justice, it’s not a big enough deal to make a movie about, I think… despite how much I love my own cat. I mean, the cat’s fine, right?

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    4. Penpusher

      This sounds adorable! I agree with Scott that the goal of finding the motive for the kidnapping seems odd, would make more sense to find the kitten and the kidnapper.

      The stakes are great, especially for a family film. I imagine that the protagonist is a kitten-loving moral detective who is willing to take on the case to help the poor kids who miss their kitten, and he/she is up against the big mean police chief who hates kittens and doesn’t think they are worth the time and taxpayer money. The police chief reluctantly gives him a couple of days to find the kitten before he cancels the investigation and sends the detective off to another job. Ultimately the detective is trying to prove that every small creature is important.

      The longline could probably used some rewriting to reflect how adorable this story sounds, if that’s what you’re going for. For example, when a little girl’s kitten goes missing, a good-hearted detective must find the kitten and the culprit before the kitten-hating police chief cancels the investigation. Something like that, although I’m sure that you could write it better

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    5. Samurai

      Hi IvyEight6,

      I’ll give this a go.

      After a family kitten gets kidnapped, a detective has seven days to figure out the motive of the suspect or else force the police chief to end the investigation.

      Intention: seven days to figure out the motive of the suspect or else force the police chief to end the investigation. (It’s certainly very clear)
      Obstacle: seven days/ticking clock.

      After his daughter’s kitten is kidnapped, a widowed detective has seven days to find her, before the police chief is forced to end the investigation.

      – The thing with this. I mean – the detective could do it in his spare time, right? He has the skills.

      Anyways – I thought I’d enhance the drama a bit more. Perhaps he could be a widow. It’s his daughter’s kitten. Perhaps the kitten is the one thing they have in common? So yeah – it’s as much about the detective and daughter bond – them getting closer through the investigation and beginning to see eye to eye.

      Hope this gets the ball rolling.

      Good luck!

      (Also – Catnap – great title.)

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