After a happy-go-lucky Marine survives an assassination attempt, he goes after the man behind it, a rogue officer, and stop him from selling WMDs to the government of an enemy planet.
Adam Bernstr?mSamurai
After a happy-go-lucky Marine survives an assassination attempt, he goes after the man behind it, a rogue officer, and stop him from selling WMDs to the government of an enemy planet.
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I’d remove “happy go lucky” and seriously think of some better way to describe your protagonist.
Usually people arent targeted for assassination for no reason. Why?
What has the marine lost that is dear to him?
A inter-galactic marine must stop a terrorist from selling WMD’s to the government of an enemy planet before…
Agreed with Foxtrot25, the premise lacks credibility at this stage.
It isn’t clear why these things are happening to this guy now, and why he, of all people, must stop the WMDs from being sold.
Also, there is no direct (or clear) cause and effect between somebody trying to kill him and his need to stop the WMDs.? Last thing, the word “…planet…” at the end indicates that this is a scifi, is that the case? If so you would need to describe, earlier on in the logline, the sci-fi elements – space marine, intergalactic something or other, etc…
Ya, Nir, it’s posted in the scifi category which is why I added “A(n) inter-galactic marine” to my version.
These types of chase stories do better if there is something personal involved, such as the marine is chasing his brother or something like that.
>>> don?t know why a cloned Marine would be any less capable than a Marine who?d been born the ?normal? way, as it were
1] In your story world, you can have cloning as a perfected technique, of course. ?My response was based on the scientific fact that when cloning was first tried (on sheep), the clones turned out to be inferior copies. ?The explanation at the time was by way of analogy to xeroxing, where copies are never as good as the original.
2] And if cloning has been perfected, then what is his character flaw? ?The?dramatic purpose of a character flaw is to create suspense in the form of doubt or uncertainty as to whether it will be the downfall of the character in his dramatic quest. ?(How does “happy go lucky” put him in jeopardy of failing?)
It’s necessary for a protagonist to face life-threatening external jeopardy ?– but that isn’t sufficient. ?The external jeopardy needs to be complemented by an internal weakness or flaw — an “Achilles heel”. ? I say complement in that the flaw or weakness must be engineered such that the external jeopardy threatens to exploit it and defeat (and kill) the protagonist. And I don’t see how being “happy go lucky” fits that criterion.
My point ?is that cloning is an opportunity to introduce a character flaw. In the story, the clones can be advertised and certified as 100% perfect by the manufacturer — which only means, must mean, that there is a hidden flaw. ?The iron law of dramatic irony and dialectical contradiction.
fwiw