Penpusher
Posted: 2015-08-29T03:05:47+10:00 In:

After a land survey reveals that her fence is in the wrong place, a homeowner, unwilling to lose part of her backyard, wages war against her neighbor ? no matter what the law says.

Property Line

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    12 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      My issue with this logline is that it sounds far too mundane and normal. Also, the main character is in the wrong (the law says) but their desire to pursue the matter makes them seem unreasonable and someone I would struggle to emphasise with. I dont have to like them but I need something to hang on to such as empathy.

      Just thinking out loud – maybe our main character is an accident prone soccermom who accidentally kills her neighbour during a dispute and the victim turns out to be the brother of a notorious crime boss.

      See what I mean about adding a hook to make it seem more interesting and exciting?

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      What’s the genre, comedy?

      • 0
    3. Penpusher

      Drama.

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      Seems like a natural for a comedy, a dark one perhaps, but still a comedy of human folly.

      • 0
    5. Penpusher

      Your soccer mom/crime boss idea is very funny!

      • 0
    6. Logliner

      It seems natural for a comedy, because http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PropertyLine

      • 0
    7. Logliner

      Drama won’t work, because it is too mundane, imo.
      It could be a funny comedy if it slowly escalates to outrageous proportions.
      But that would be a TOTALLY different direction from where I think you want to go.

      • 0
    8. Singularity

      The concept would improve if this “…unwilling to lose part of her backyard…” would be changed for a compelling reason for her to need to hold on to all her land.

      What if she discovered a gold ore vein or oil deposit in her backyard? Or what if her beloved husband or child were berried in the backyard?

      I think the motivation is weak and needs to be cleared up for the audience to want to see her achieve her goal.

      Hope this helps.

      • 0
    9. Penpusher

      Thank you so much. This helps.

      • 0
    10. Penpusher

      Thank you. I need to revisit the motivation.

      • 0
    11. Penpusher

      Shouldn’t the neighbor be the protagonist and our POV? And why is she so motivated and inflexible (and wrong) about this stolen hunk of ground? Are her beloved cat and family jewels buried there?

      • 0
    12. Logliner

      I see the problem here. Maybe there should not be proof of law, and the act could have gone on unapproved at the time. That would give her two reasons to fight.
      How about:
      A generous neighbor replaces a downed fence when a homeowner is gone, but instead of following the original fence line, he angles the new fence line to go around a tree, thus stealing inches of property from the homeowner – inches she wants back. A war is waged and the whole neighborhood will pay.

      • 0