Logliner
Posted: 2018-10-15T04:16:25+10:00 In:

After a miscalculation in a slipstream, a Roman space legion becomes stranded on a hellish world and must battle a powerful demon intent on shaping the legion into his own instrument to destroy Old Rome, their mother planet.

After a miscalculation in a slipstream, a Roman space legion becomes stranded on a hellish world and must battle a powerful demon intent on shaping the legion into his own instrument to destroy Old Rome, their mother planet.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      We can drop the slipstream reference because it doesn’t progress the rest of the logline.

      You can also drop Old Roman and just say their mother planet. Knowing it’s name doesn’t move the story along.

      Put a rewrite in as a comment.

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    2. Singularity

      The logline is a hodpodge of anachronistic elements. When did any ancient Roman person, let alone a legion, acquire the technology to time and space travel?

      And I have no idea what “twisting the legion into corrupted horrors” means.

      And why can’t the demon just do his own dirty work? Why does he need to use the legion as the weapon of destruction?

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