stakes: she does get frozen in time as the visions come forward (life endangering at times) and she also is physically manifesting wounds from the past but I can’t see how in the world to get that into the logline. I also see the karma as the antagonist, putting her into other people’s lives and sticking her neck on the line (that’s a pun if you knew the script ha ha). Her karma is attached to everyone she helps, so all benefit from her spiritual sleuthing. It’s such an intangible sounding concept, (spiritual, karma, enlightenment) that i don’t know how to make it sound concrete. I want it to read like every day life, like Six Feet Under. So putting “high stakes”-must save their lives!! Feels SO BAD. AAAARRGH!
kimberlyPenpusher
After a NDE a social media executive weighted with the ability to see past lives and now tasked with healing her “soul family” uses her position to embed herself in the lives of those around her to circumvent karma that foreshadows current life situations that could tragically repeat past life patterns.
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Way too long and with rather poor grammar, plus the apparent inciting incident is an abbreviation without explanation…how is anyone supposed to understand the character or story if they don’t know what NDE means? I personally have no clue what that’s supposed to stand for, but it must be important as it’s the first thing mentioned…though starting a logline with “After” makes it sound like that event isn’t even in the story. Just give us the major elements in as short a sentence as is clear and proper.
I”m not shooting for great grammar…I’m attempting the impossible! Trying to get a spiritual concept into material world language..NDE is Near Death Experience..and it’s another three words!! That event really isn’t the story, it’s the inciting incident that starts her on her journey. Bleck, I feel worn out! thanks!!
I had to pause for 10 seconds to decipher what NDE meant (Near Death Experience). That renders the logline DOA (Dead on Arrival), Every word must be immediately comprehensible and make sense.
IMHO, karma as the core conceit of a drama series is a challenging sell in Occidental media markets. Since you are very passionate about the concept, I’m guessing you’ve brainstormed several story lines for episodes. I suggest a strategy of taking the story line you deem most viable, most compelling and rendering it as a script for a feature film. Leave the door open in the denouement for a sequel. In other words, write feature — think franchise.
fwiw
ha ha…I knew that NDE would be a killer…
yes, this is “my” story…loosely.. I do readings for people and really want us to start viewing one another with a little more compassion and try to think beyond “this moment” with people. Kind of like when its suggested we see someone as a helpless child or an abused child…hoping to soften our judgment of the person-both of which (logline included) seem hopeless.
thanks!!