Byzantium
jamesmichaelPenpusher
After a road accident on the highway, a young man finds himself trapped in a strange, remote town where nothing ? and no one ? is as it seems.
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Strange things? For example? The logline fails to give us an atmosphere of the supposedly mysterious town. Is it full of zoombies? One Nation voters? Is there a ‘Priscilla’ re-enactment society? Is it an outback “Village of Dibley”? Or what? Saying that “nothing is as it seems” is so hackneyed … We’ve seen that in zillions of movie posters. Tell the reader what makes this story DISTINCTIVE, not boringly generic.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)
Having car trouble then seeking help in a remote town is a very overused idea.
Avoid vague phrases like “where nothing ? and no one ? is as it seems”, and instead tell us more about who the main character is, his strength and flaw, what the threat in the town is, and what he must do to overcome it. If these are unique enough, you’ll get interest.
Sorry, forgot:
Patrockable, Judge
I understand about car trouble scenes being overused, but so are space scenes, mafia hits, etc. It’s the movies- the original Home of the Cliche! You can still make an excellent story out of it.
I think the logline is very good, and has promise. I would clarify a bit more about “not what it seems”. No time to be coy in a logline- let it all hang out. Whatever is going on in the town is your “hook”, so don’t save it for the read. You might never get a read with this logline as it stands.
Good luck!
Geno Scala- judge…