After a scientific accident that leaves everyone dead and one with fire abilities, the survivor must travel to a sacred temple to learn how to control his abilities.
LeviathanSamurai
After a scientific accident that leaves everyone dead and one with fire abilities, the survivor must travel to a sacred temple to learn how to control his abilities.
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What’s are the stakes?? ?And who is his nemesis?? (Gotta have a nemesis.)
Let me try again. I think I know just where to go with that one.
After a scientific accident everyone dead and one with fire abilities, the survivor must seek out a sacred temple to learn how to control his abilities before someone else with his same abilities leads him down a dark path for his own gains.
I think that covers everything, but it may be a little long. I don’t know if there’s a way to break down, but I’ll keep looking.
You are mixing your genres.
Why would a temple be able to teach him to control abilities he obtained through science?
>>before someone else with his same abilities
So the freak accident has happened before?? He’s not the first?
You’re right. I should have gone with a different adjective to describe the accident. No one will care about the science part of it, but rather if it was a devastating accident, people would probably view it differently because then the survivor of the accident would need to learn how to control his abilities, no matter how he got them.
After a devastating accident leaves someone with the ability to manipulate fire, the man goes to an ancient temple to learn how to control it before someone else takes ahold of it, using it for darker purposes.
The last version is the clearest so far, the wording you were using before was confusing. The problem is that his goal isn’t clearly motivated, who is threatening to take hold of what? His ability? The temple? Fire?
As Nir points out, your latest attempt is closer,
However, your description of your characters is vague.
You describe your lead character as ‘someone’ and you describe the antagonist as ‘ another’ … this really tells us nothing. You can give us a brief description without actually adding too many extra words to the logline. Here would be an example:
“When an accident leaves a nerdy student with the ability to manipulate fire. He must race to an ancient temple while avoiding a ruthless cult that wishes to use his abilities to awaken a long-dormant fire god.”