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Callum.SPenpusher
Posted: May 29, 20132013-05-29T05:49:22+10:00 2013-05-29T05:49:22+10:00In: Public

After a wild party with a Notorious asian druglord. A group of dysfunctional,Culturally diverse students hope to live the life of their dreams when they wake up to $100,000 worth of cash, Until they realize that not only are their passports missing, but their Straight A asian friend is mistaken as the Druglord. They must put their trust in the towns Party fool to find their passports and dodge the eye of the authority to get home safely. (I know this isn't perfect and is very long, so i'd appreciate any constructive criticism ! thanks )

The gap year

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    4 Reviews

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    1. Callum.S Penpusher
      2013-05-29T05:56:57+10:00Added an answer on May 29, 2013 at 5:56 am

      There’s A lot of internal quests in this story, Its a new idea so i still need to write it ! This logline is basically a plan for the basis of the story

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    2. Callum.S Penpusher
      2013-05-29T05:57:24+10:00Added an answer on May 29, 2013 at 5:57 am

      IT’S A COMEDY AS-WELL !!

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2013-05-29T12:04:10+10:00Added an answer on May 29, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      At 96 words, it’s a pitch, not a logline.

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    4. Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
      2013-05-29T14:11:46+10:00Added an answer on May 29, 2013 at 2:11 pm

      “After a night of wild partying, a (who is your protagonist)? leads his friends to recover their passports from a dangerous drug cartel.”

      Sounds like “The Hangover” meets “21 and Over”… and that wouldn’t get my $20 at the box office.

      Who is your protagonist?

      Why do the characters need their passports? Are they stranded overseas? Do they have a plane they must catch? (This could become a “time-clock” as Blake Snyder puts it. A deadline that will ratchet up the tension as the story goes on).

      Who is the antagonist, and why? They were partying with the Asian druglord, so I’m not certain if it’s his people, or the authorities of wherever they are. Why are these people after them?

      WHERE does the $100,000 factor into the story?

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