After aliens attack a process is created that bestow superpowers to soldiers but at the cost of giving them a four-year lifespan. When an enhanced man learns of a new pending offensive and a secret that may end the war forever he must fight his way back from behind enemy lines or humanity will fall.
solidjimLogliner
After aliens attack a process is created that bestow superpowers to soldiers but at the cost of giving them a four-year lifespan. When an enhanced man learns of a new pending offensive and a secret that may end the war forever he must fight his way back from behind enemy lines or humanity will fall.
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The first sentence in the logline can be cut, it’s not a part of the plot and only describes the back story. That could perhaps make for a good origin story but should not cloud the current plot.
Secondly, consistency in your descriptions is important, if he is a soldier then describe him as such throughout. I also find the description “…doomsday device…” funny, it’s something I’d expect Austen Powers to go after. Can you be more specific with the weapon’s description? Perhaps a biochemical toxin or a pandemic causing something or other.
For example:
After discovering an alien pandemic causing weapon threatening humanity an enhanced soldier must destroy it before the process that gave him his powers kills him.
This is still a little off, but maybe closer:
After aliens attack a Process is created that bestow superpowers to soldiers but at the cost of giving them a five-year lifespan. After discovering a doomsday device an enhanced man must destroy the weapon before it can be unleashed and before the Process that gave him his powers kills him.
The working title for the story is “The Process” — that’s why I capped it. Probably doesn’t really need it for logline purposes, though…
The inciting incident is the soldier learning about the impending destruction of humanity. It seems a bit unlikely that a new offensive, as oppose to the previous ones, would spark his fear for mankind. It may need to be a specific item, like a weapon of some sort, that scares him into taking action. Otherwise, it is a bit vague as to what he will do as an individual on his own even with super powers.
Secondly, what are the super powers? Is he strong? Fast? Can fly? Can he control other people’s minds?
>>>”giving them a four-year lifespan”
Hmm. ?An echo of “Blade Runner”, the 4 year life span of the Nexus 6 model of replicants? ?Maybe make that 5 or 6 years instead? ?I don’t know if replicating the lifespan of replicants will be perceived as an obvious reference. ?And if so, if that is a plus or minus.
That said, I am intrigued by the concept of a tradeoff, that having super powers comes with a price. ?For me, that is the hook of the story and it’s a great one. ?And for that reason, ?the logline gets my vote.
However, I suggest the logline needs refocusing, clarification and compression.
By refocusing, I mean that if you’re going to give mutant super soldiers a 4 year life span (their character flaw or vulnerability, right?), then that needs to be a decisive ?factor in the plot. ?In effect, it’s a ticking clock. So put it to work.
So, perhaps the decisive offensive ?shouldn’t be “pending”. It’s happening — it could be the inciting incident. And whatever the secret ?is ?is a late 2nd Act or 3rd Act ?Big Reveal for the script — but doesn’t need to be in ?the logline. ?For the purpose of the logline, neither the war nor the secret are the hook. ? Again, imho, the hook is the ticking clock of the 4 year life span.
?So, ?the climactic, “winner take all” battle of the ?war has started — but time is running out for the protagonist (and his cohorts).
It seems to me that the dramatic question is whether the super soldiers can win the High Noon battle before their life span expires. ?And that is how the logline should be framed. ?Leverage the hook to the max. ?To do other wise, is a waste of a great idea.
fwiw