After an altercation over some pocket change escalates, a failed actor inadvertently takes another man hostage and must now reach the public in order to avoid arrest.
gmffrLogliner
After an altercation over some pocket change escalates, a failed actor inadvertently takes another man hostage and must now reach the public in order to avoid arrest.
Share
For the next attempt…
>> After an altercation over some pocket change escalates,
Sounds like a Larry David scenario, but it can be clearer. “After a fight over a dollar…”. ? Is that more accurate?
>> a failed actor
Try a little more specific as it’s not clear what he does at the moment. Usually an actor is struggling, washed up, sells out, quits and does something else, etc. Also the age range if it’s not implied with an adjustment.? The character, flaw or issue usually creates irony or extra conflict…what’s special about this actor in such a predicament? Why an actor?
>> inadvertently takes another man hostage
Explain how it’s inadvertent, otherwise it’s confusing and not the good kind of question a logline should raise. Is it really a man who was not involved in the altercation? The logline should make it clear how the altercation connects to the hostage taking.
>> and must now reach the public in order to avoid arrest
Confusing. What exactly is he trying to achieve?
Clarify or heighten the stakes as arrest doesn’t seem like too big a deal for a logline.
My two cents.
To clarify the stakes comment, it doesn?t sound like a big deal for a first-time, inadvertent offender.
As part of the adjustments, the next logline should avoid the question of ‘If it’s inadvertent, why doesn’t he free the hostage asap?’
How about this:
In order to resolve a dispute over some pocket change, a talentless actor takes a man hostage and must find a way to get the angry crowd that has surrounded him on his side.
Getting there…
Is this a short? If a feature, the logline needs more meat on the bone. For instance, why is the crowd his concern when the police are minutes away? What does he do most of the time or why does this last long?
Are we supposed to root for the guy or relate to his frustration and enjoy the trainwreck? Right now it leans to the latter, but without the enjoyment part.? If we’re to root for the guy, consider that he’s victimized in some way.
Still not clear what being an actor does for the story. As for talentless…does he know he’s talentless?
With the next adjustments, look to highlight what exactly is the hook and what exactly makes this funny.