After an intentional miscarriage a repressed wife succumbs to the machinations of a peculiar old couple, following them into a paranormal world where she must tame her darkest urges to win the control she desires.

The concept is vague and the plot hard to gauge from the logline.

What is an intentional miscarriage? Do you mean an abortion? If so best to specify this. Either way though, the miscarriage is described as the inciting incident yet it is something the main character did to her self. A good inciting incident is an event out of the ordinary that is done to the main character without their consent, as such I think it would be better to describe it as a miscarriage.

I don’t see how a miscarriage can be the cause for her to follow a couple of old people into another world, the two events seem unrelated. What is the cause and effect between these two events? Perhaps best to devise a different inciting incident that would motivate her to enter this strange new world.

Lastly her goal is not clear, what does ?”…must tame her darkest urges to win the control she desires?” mean and look like? It sounds like an internal process experienced by the main character alone, in other words it can’t be an outer goal for her to pursue. What else must she achieve once in the different world?