After an young girl is bought from slavery, she is taken to a school where she becomes a witch, where she uses her abilities to kill her former master and save her family.
LeviathanSamurai
After an young girl is bought from slavery, she is taken to a school where she becomes a witch, where she uses her abilities to kill her former master and save her family.
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This isn’t a logline, it’s a very short summary of a story. Check the formula on this page and use it for the rewrite. GL.
After joining a coven an ex-slave uses her powers to take revenge on her master and free her family but….
Give us what the challenges are, otherwise it will be John Wick.
I looked back at some of the different loglines you have written.
This story idea and logline are the most concise?and would be an excellent?script for you to concentrate on.
Craig’s advice is solid and he also adds ‘freeing her family’ as a positive goal so it isn’t just revenge.
It might help if it turns out the slave owner is actually a dark warlock or something of that nature. (Just an idea)
Anyway, a story like this practically writes itself and after you write an outline, the script would probably only take a few weeks to write.?
Does your story have an inciting incident??If not, this may be one of the few stories that doesn’t need a traditional inciting incident, however if your story has one, a sort of ‘kill the dog’ moment it will help.
I know this is going to sound vicious but on her wedding night the slave owner kills her new husband and rapes her, she runs away and joins a coven and the rest is the revenge story.
Just a thought
Blade Runner 2049 is a slave story. About people that have no choice. Look at that.
I feel in stories like this there should be a sacrifice. Make your reader love something then kill it. I am basically a dark bastard at heart.
Richiev, I’ve always loved your reviews and consider them the utmost of constructive criticism taken to heart. I agree with everyone about the fact that this is a plot, not a logline. I’ve been rewriting it for some time and I think this is what I was really looking for, but still need to hone it a little more.
When a young girl is bought from slavery by a warlock, she learns the art of witchcraft and returns to kill her former master and find her missing family.
The inciting incident that leads to the cause and effect. I almost have it. I don’t know what possessed me to write a silly plot when this is a logline community.
When a young girl is bought from slavery by a warlock, she learns the art of witchcraft and returns to kill her former master and find her missing family.
Tada…. there is the Logline. I understand the movie now. It?s ?Taken? with magic
Great, so we know the ending. Who needs to read the book now? Change to “where she must learn to use her powers” and you’ve got yourself a functional logline