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Skandha SreeramLogliner
Posted: January 21, 20152015-01-21T05:11:05+10:00 2015-01-21T05:11:05+10:00In: Public

After being brutally raped, A Lesbian Anti Abortion rights Activist must decide between aborting the child or keeping it. (FOR MEETUP REVIEW)

Brutally Living

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    8 Reviews

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    1. 2015-01-21T06:01:45+10:00Added an answer on January 21, 2015 at 6:01 am

      I got your earlier versions via email so I think I see what you’re struggling with. With the logline above the decision, for an anti-A activist, would be a no-brainer so the conflict of your earlier renditions is missing. The problem I had with the earlier ones was I felt you had misaligned the motives of her partner and the rapist. Her partner must know she’s anti-A so she would be the supportive one. The rapist (especially if his ‘motive’ for rape was that she was a Lesbian) would be the one wanting the abortion for everything from financial (mandated child support especially if he is a rich SOB) to just not wanting any kid of his being brought up by two mommies.

      On a grammatical not, too many Caps. It should just be the one at the beginning of the sentence.

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    2. 2015-01-21T06:01:45+10:00Added an answer on January 21, 2015 at 6:01 am

      I got your earlier versions via email so I think I see what you’re struggling with. With the logline above the decision, for an anti-A activist, would be a no-brainer so the conflict of your earlier renditions is missing. The problem I had with the earlier ones was I felt you had misaligned the motives of her partner and the rapist. Her partner must know she’s anti-A so she would be the supportive one. The rapist (especially if his ‘motive’ for rape was that she was a Lesbian) would be the one wanting the abortion for everything from financial (mandated child support especially if he is a rich SOB) to just not wanting any kid of his being brought up by two mommies.

      On a grammatical not, too many Caps. It should just be the one at the beginning of the sentence.

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    3. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-01-21T08:20:33+10:00Added an answer on January 21, 2015 at 8:20 am

      Too “tagline”-ish. Obviously, you know how it will end, so you should mention the action your main character needs to take to achieve that end, and put both in the logline.

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    4. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-01-21T08:20:33+10:00Added an answer on January 21, 2015 at 8:20 am

      Too “tagline”-ish. Obviously, you know how it will end, so you should mention the action your main character needs to take to achieve that end, and put both in the logline.

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    5. Jeremyx
      2015-01-21T11:42:42+10:00Added an answer on January 21, 2015 at 11:42 am

      This might flow off the tongue better: After surviving sexual assault, a lesbian pro-life activist must decide whether to keep or abort the baby,

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    6. Jeremyx
      2015-01-21T11:42:42+10:00Added an answer on January 21, 2015 at 11:42 am

      This might flow off the tongue better: After surviving sexual assault, a lesbian pro-life activist must decide whether to keep or abort the baby,

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    7. 2015-01-22T10:51:42+10:00Added an answer on January 22, 2015 at 10:51 am

      My two cents: more at stake, (as long as we are throwing stones at our MC stuck in her tree)

      After surviving sexual assault, a lesbian pro-life activist must decide whether to keep or abort the Down’s syndrome baby.

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    8. 2015-01-22T10:51:42+10:00Added an answer on January 22, 2015 at 10:51 am

      My two cents: more at stake, (as long as we are throwing stones at our MC stuck in her tree)

      After surviving sexual assault, a lesbian pro-life activist must decide whether to keep or abort the Down’s syndrome baby.

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