The Bank Teller
Tony EdwardSamurai
Unable to pay the court costs to his recent divorce, an aging bank teller takes on a gang of ruthless thieves for their score when he is caught as a hostage during a bank heist.
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Hmm. It seems you want to set up a character who will be motivated by economic desperation to exploit the heist. And that is fine. However, I suggest refocus and rethinking this part of the premise: “Unable to pay the court costs to his recent divorce”.
Speaking, ahem, from considerable personal observation, it’s not the court costs per se that are so economically devastating–that’s chump change compared to the loss of property and assets when they are divided.
In the case of your “aging bank teller” a divorce would mean his ex has walked away with at least 1/2 of his retirement egg. So now he can’t afford to retire — at any age.
Hollyweird has discovered that Baby Boomers in retirement like to go to the movies, so they’re looking for stories to appeal to the issues that preoccupy that demographic. And actors of a certain age are desperate for vehicles where they don’t have to play silly bit parts while juveniles get the lead roles, the salary and the spotlight.
Properly crafted and packaged, I think your story could be very marketable.
Yes, the ‘to cover costs…’ is weak… I’ll work on that. Thanks again.
Yes, ‘Unable to cover court costs’ is weak… I’ll work on it; obviously a lot more issues involved in a divorce/ separation than simply covering court costs… Other issues here is in regards to why this guy has stayed in the same dead-end job for most of his life — which is something, ahem, is a lot closer to my bones than the theme of my other story.
Thanks dpg — feeling better about this one.
I understand the previous remark(s), but I actually kinda liked the idea. That is, if the agent bank teller isn’t desperately looking for money, but he ‘s got an I’vegotnothingtolose mentality. A you fucked with the wrong guy kinda Walter White.
Yeah, thats good too… I just liked the idea that he doesn’t just go after the perps to stop them from robbing the bank… But to screw his employer and or get the cash… I’ll keeping playing with it. Thanks Koen.
“An aging Bank Teller takes on a gang of ruthless thieves for their score when he is taken hostage in a bank heist.”
?
Walter White breaks bad because he thinks he thinks he has nothing to lose AND –objective goal –he’s desperately looking for money to take care of his family after he’s gone. (He’s been scrimping by on a lousy teacher’s salary, working a demeaning after-hours job at a car wash –and still can’t afford a new water heater.)
Yep. I’m thinking that he is getting forced into retirement AND has been slammed in the settlement….
Another possible angle is that a new spunky teller starts working there with a very hard luck story… He could do it for her… But of course, she’s a plant….(as in, not the kind that is green and enjoys sunlight and water, but a plant by the perps…) I’ll keep playing…
Or for the sake of his kids, their future, their education. So they don’t end up in crappy, dead-end jobs like he has.
“After being forced into early retirement, a disenchanted broke bank teller takes on a gang of ruthless thieves for their score when he’s taken hostage in a bank heist where he works.”