Angel Doctor
assafPenpusher
After being posted to a Greenlandic prison for a temporary placement, a young doctor must help the inmates with their personal problems while dealing with some unruly inmates and unsympathetic guards
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Helping inmates and dealing with guards doesn’t really tell us much or drive your story forward. Give your young doctor an imperative to achieve something.
What Lee Brooks said. They story still lacks focus and specificity. The character lacks a specific objective goal.
As written, the logline suggests 3 general problems: 1] help the inmates with their personal problems problems 2] while dealing with some unruly inmates and 3] unsympathetic guards. Those general problems may be part of the context and complications of the plot — but what is the plot? What is the one — and only one primary objective goal of the doctor that frames the story? Who is the antagonist/nemesis that opposes the doctor’s objective goal? What are the stakes? That is, what does the doctor stand to gain if he succeeds, stand to lose if he fails?
She wants to bond with the inmates. Also, another goal for the doctor would be to get used to an unusual prison routine.
What does “to bond” mean? What’s the visual on that? How will the audience know whether she succeeds or fails? What are the stakes if she fails to “bond”?
>>get used to an unusual prison routine
There can be subsidiary goals as means to an end, the end being to the objective goal, but a logline is about 1 objective goal, not 2 or 3.
Why does she want to bond with the inmates? Why does she want to adapt to a prison routine? What’s the point? What’s the dramatic purpose?
Hi Assaf. She needs to drive the story, not just bond with inmates and get used to stuff. She’s got to want more than to just fit in. Give her an active goal and the threat of dire consequences if she fails. Maybe what she witnesses in the prison drives her to team up with an ex-prisoner who wants to bring about prison reform. If the sadistic prison guards find out what she’s trying to do, maybe they would hurt her. She can have all sorts of internal stuff going on (which can be expressed through her dialogue), but she needs an external, active goal that can be seen on screen. Do you get the idea? Try again. Good luck.
Thanks. This logline idea is just ONE idea. I am considering others as well. But, ALL of them involve Greenland’s prison.
What is special, unique about that prison that you want to set a story there? What’s the hook of that location in your mind?
As for what is special about it, here; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EMRUUuz7CU
Thanks for the link. The situation of a (more or less) open prison has a lot of dramatic potential. What is your intention: to write a script for a feature film or a script for a series pilot?
Another aspect to consider is this iteration of your logline focuses on the problems of unruly inmates and an sympathetic guards — on the secondary, supporting characters. But what personal problem, what vulnerability, does the situation create for the protagonist arising from the fact that the doctor must deal with unruly prisoners and unsympathetic guards? What character flaw of the doctor — not the prisoner or guards but the doctor — is exposed under the circumstances?
Could she be redeeming a past wrong, trying to help someone she never could or looking for someone?
Thanks, Assaf, I’ve watched the video. I think you need to give your protagonist a strong opinion on this type of open prison. Does she think this prison system’s working, or does she believe it’s no longer effective in controlling today’s criminals? Is she more sympathetic to the victims, who see their attackers about town on day release, than the prisoners themselves? Ask yourself some difficult questions and work out the core of what it is you want to say. Once you have your theme, it’ll be easier to fashion your protagonist to drive the plot.
Write a script for a low-budget film.
Why make the protagonist a doctor? The doctor has no responsibility for the day to day running of the facility. She would not be continually interacting with the prison population. She would only interact with those prisoners who come to her with medical issues.
Whereas the job of a security officer entails direct and constant interaction with the entire prisoner population. It’s a more stressful job which means there is more potential for dramatic conflict. It’s a responsibility that puts character flaws to the test because if there’s anything criminals are good at it is intuiting and manipulating character flaws in others.
She could be the head Doctor? Has anyone seen Twinkle Twinkle Killer Kane? The main character in that is the head doctor, later you find out he is actually a patient.
But the “Ninth Configuration” is set in an insane asylum — not a prison. Big, big difference.
And “Killer Kane” is pretending to be a psychiatrist — not a medical doctor. Another big difference. Is your protagonist a medical doctor or a shrink?
You know, I was thinking about that. I’ll change it to an African-American bail jumper who ends up in Greenland, commits a crime there, and ends up in their judicial system. He must go through their unique judicial system and decide what he will do from there.