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aviPenpusher
Posted: May 9, 20162016-05-09T16:48:56+10:00 2016-05-09T16:48:56+10:00In: Crime

After completing prison term and reuniting with his loving wife a man wanted to choose the righteous path only to find his wife wants him to murder someone for the last time to bring her to justice.

After completing prison term and reuniting with his loving wife a man wanted to choose the righteous path only to find his wife wants him to murder someone for the last time to bring her to justice.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. FFF Mentor
      2016-05-09T19:24:19+10:00Added an answer on May 9, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      “murder someone” is too vague, it seems like you’ve not decided yet – everything depends on this element.

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    2. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2016-05-10T00:47:21+10:00Added an answer on May 10, 2016 at 12:47 am

      Interesting concept.
      The one true problem I see with this concept is that there is no motivation While you say “to bring her justice”, we don’t know what that means. Why would this man kill someone, and right after he has been released from prison? Use a compelling, logical reason that can be conveyed in the logline clearly.
      I agree with FFF that using a more specific target could be helpful, by maybe raising the stakes. (For example, if she wanted him to kill the president or a Prime minister from another country, there would be some difficulty there.)
      Also, maybe saying what got him arrested would be helpful as well. Was he just a petty thief and now is faced with a crime much bigger than he is used to?

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2016-05-10T01:15:15+10:00Added an answer on May 10, 2016 at 1:15 am

      As noted, ?the logline is vague and the man’s motivation doesn’t seem credible or compelling. ?Why does the wife need “justice”? ?And why would he agree to do it? (Just because she’s his wife doesn’t seem to be a sufficient reason.) ?What are the stakes for him? ?What does he stand to gain — need to gain — by acceding to her demand?

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