After convincing his reformed felon brother to hold up the bank where the map to a lost goldmine is stored, a disenchanted insurance salesman must finish the job himself when his brother is shot dead by the obstinate bank manager during the heist

Yeah — been trying to run before I can walk, methinks.

I’ve been wanting to blend genre’s before learning how to simply hit the beats of one. My idea was to blend an educational plot with a heist plot (ex con bro teachers geeky younger bro the art of the heist, only to have ex con bro killed in heist and geeky bro to find the courage to save the day…)… and at the risk of sounding all ‘…think Die Hard… ON A BUS!’ — think Dog Day Afternoon meets The Karate Kid with a nod and a wink to American Beauty… perhaps a tad ridiculous, I know, but what can I say, I’m an absolute beginner.

Thanks so much for providing what are some great beats/ guides to the Heist genre, something I think I should follow — for at least the first bloody draft anyway 😉

…and your insights are no bloviations — they make me think ‘who the hell needs film school when there’s dpg!’

Cheers.

Your instincts are bang on — on a couple of fronts: yes, I have been going about it in that way, as in ‘casting about for a suitable character…’ as opposed to the other way around… A problem. The inspiration for wanting to write this in the first place was seeing ‘The Bank Job’ and realizing they missed the most interesting thing in the story (also based on facts…) which is that the main thief had his own car yard, a family etc… The film barely touches on it it does to some extent, but to me is the most interesting element…). I wanted to know why/ how somebodylike that could resort to robbing a bank.

‘Dog Day’ would be in my top 5 films of all time, and the novice that I am have definitely had it as a bit of a yard stick.

Again, this is my first screenplay, and half the point was to use it to find my feet and learn the ropes as opposed to thinking I could hoc it out. I think my insecurities over my lack of experience has had me WAY too plot focused and not charcter focused… And character drives plot, not the other way around, as you’ve pointed out.

Thanks again.

I hear you dpg. I’m stuck between a couple of ways in which this story could go.

In 1:

Our hero’s dead father was obsessed with the idea that the map to this lost gold mine was locked up at the town bank. Our hero wants to not only get the gold, but prove his father was right (guilt issues/ not being there when he died etc…). He coerces his ex-con bro to help him by playing the main perp, while our hero tried to crack the safe — bro gets shot dead, hero must finish the job… he does, and gets the gold.

In 2:

He’s more of an anti-hero (smarmy irresponsible out of work salesman…) – who becomes a tragic hero, more of a crime and punishment tale — he still faces a similar dilemma in in that he has to finish the job, but there’s a pretty young bank teller who double crosses him in the end.

In either case capitulating all in the logline has (quite obviously) been a real struggle.

Your advice as always has been invaluable. I’ll keep on hammering it out.

I just wanted heighten the objective goal…

When his brother is shot during a bank hold up to steal the map to a lost legendary goldmine, an amateur thief must find the nerve to finish the job himself.

The End.

:0

Nice brenkilco…. I think I might get some sleep tonight 😉

Thanks Tor — again you’ve managed to get this down to under twenty words while I’m struggling to get it under thirty!

The only issue with yours is that it’s not actually the brother’s dirty work — the whole plan is the salesman’s, so it’s that he has to finish his OWN dirty work. It’s connected to the main theme; ‘disenchanted’ doesn’t really nail the salesman’s flaw, I’m still working on it, but it’s more about the fact that he has never taken responsibility for his own actions… and is forced to do so.

Thanks again.