Dark Galaxy Into the Vortex
IvyEight6Penpusher
After cyborgs invades their town, a group of sons and daughters of cyborg hunters must stop them once and for all.
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Hi IvyEight6,
I’ll give this a go.
INTENTION: must stop cyborgs.
OBSTACLE: cyborgs.
STAKES: the world?
Your logline is fine – but I think you just need to push on things and be specific. Oh and “once and for all” is unnecessary. It’s ornamental that you don’t really need.
When cyborgs kill their cyborg hunter parents, a motley group of kids must stop them before (they invade the town? destroy the world? multiply?)
Things I did –
– I figured we should start with a real specific tragedy/trauma. By finding out cyborg hunters are gone – we know we’re in trouble.
– I used the word “motley” to perhaps suggest they are at odds with each other. I imagine there’s a better word though. It’s more conflict too.
– My last note would be that it needs a hook to stand out more. Something that really makes it stand out.
My one is by no means great but I hope it helps get the ball rolling.
Good luck!