Logliner
Posted: 2015-04-05T05:37:37+10:00 In:

After discovering he's been raised under an assumed identity, a prized college recruit's championship hopes are threatened by his felonious, on the lam mother when he sets out to find his missing dad.

A SHOT AT FAITH

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    6 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      This reads like an event in the larger story. What does the story focus on. Him trying to get back his career or find his father. What stands in his way, what does he do to stop her?

      What I am seeing is a guy starting out on an adventure and mum doing something that has no impact on his current action. He can keep going if has no college career. But if he stops to save his college career that is the story and not his dad.

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    2. Singularity

      This logline describes him discovering that he has been raised under an assumed identity as the inciting incident and his goal to find his dad. This renders the college recruit and championship aspect of the story redundant. What is the direct correlation between his biological family’s identity and his college sports career?

      If there is none best to reduce the number of words spent on this in the logline. Perhaps you could use it as leverage for character description and inner journey arch. If he is described as a snobbish Ivy league recruit who discovers his true identity then he must learn to accept all people from all socioeconomic backgrounds before finding his real father.

      But other wise if his college sporting career is unrelated to his inner journey and it already is unrelated to his outer goal then it could be dropped from the logline.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Singularity

      What Nir Shelter said.

      Except the working title, “Shot at Faith”, and the description of the character as a collegiate hoop jock in every iteration suggest that basketball is a central element to the story. But the dots, the elements of the logline and story, just don’t seem to causally connect.

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    4. I appreciate everyone’s feedback. I digest your thoughts and suggestions and see what I can come up with. Best to all!

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    5. setting out to find his dad, suggests he laeves college already to search for the father, where does the story go from there and how will the mother inpact it ?

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    6. Penpusher

      I’m struggling with the link between his championship hopes and looking for his dad…is there a correlation that you could clarify? Best of luck!

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