Singularity
Posted: 2019-08-16T21:42:56+10:00 In:

After discovering his new and only friend?s family relies heavily on government handouts, a sheltered teenager struggles against his privileged upbringing and his parent?s ideals to maintain this relationship.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Hi Mike,

      Pretty solid logline. Nice work. My only input would be to think about giving your protagonist a bigger obstacle in life, something the audience would feel more sympathy for other than the issues caused by a privileged upbringing. I chose stutter below, as maybe the new friend helps him control that but you could be any impediment. This logline is a bit to long and wordy but you get the idea. Any just a thought.

      “A social outcast because of his stutter, a teenager discovers his first real friend’s family relies heavily on government handouts and desperately struggles to maintain the friendship as his privileged upbringing and parents ideals threaten to destroy it.”

      Johnny

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    2. Singularity

      An interesting and timely? topic.

      Instead of “sheltered” I would describe him as “privileged” or maybe “privileged and naive”, although I think most people who assume that if he’s in the privileged %1 then he’s led a life sheltered from the struggles and problems of the other 99%.

      My question is:? he struggles against …. for what??? It’s not enough that he’s struggling against something, he must also be struggle for a better alternative to the present situation.? What is the desirable alternative he seeks to replace the undesirable situation?? What is his remedy to the malady?

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    3. Logliner

      Hi Mike,

      I like the concept, and get a good sense of how the story will pan out. I think the logline is fine to be fair. It covers all the essentials ?so I have little to suggest.

      Would you consider the parents to be the antagonists or will it be multiple antagonistic forces? Also, what do they stand to lose if their friendship doesn’t work out? I don’t think they’re questions that need answering in the logline, just interested. I suppose the arcs, and the stakes are internal/emotional ones.

      Nice work.

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