title: offline
variableUberwriter
After eviction, a desperate widow departs with her step-kids to seek her ultra-rich ascetic brother, meditating somewhere in the woods of India before [the ticking clock event]
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Adding a ticking clock to the logline is a great way to ramp up the tension.
But just saying there is a ticking clock isn’t exactly what people mean by a ticking clock.
Here would be an example of a ticking clock:
“When the bank gives? her thirty days to pay the mortgage or be evicted…”
Why is the widow poor and evicted? Why does this widow feel the need to locate her brother? Does she want money, or to move in with him? Will she ask for his advice? ‘Ascetic’, not sure what this means, perhaps use a more commonly used word to describe the brother. Why is the brother meditating in the woods? how long has he been in the woods meditating? Also a descriptor for the step-kids would be nice. Are they adventurous? Shy? Does she get along with her kids?
Sounds interesting but how does someone so poor find someone in another country?? I like the idea of the quest but I guess determining what that reason is will probably help with the ticking clock event. How old are the kids and are they vested in the journey – or is she just dragging them along.. Would be good if they had a combined or different reasons for the journey.? Maybe they’re not evicted but struggling. So they have some resources but not enough to….and is there something they need besides money that only he can provide?