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Karel SegersLogliner
Posted: February 28, 20192019-02-28T09:23:31+10:00 2019-02-28T09:23:31+10:00In: Crime

After falling in debt to a crime family, a cocky mechanic is forced to strip stolen cars for an auto-garage, but when his love interest is killed in a hit-and-run caused by the family’s erratic nephew, he turns the family against itself to seek vengeance and escape the debt.

After falling in debt to a crime family, a cocky mechanic is forced to strip stolen cars for an auto-garage, but when his love interest is killed in a hit-and-run caused by the family’s erratic nephew, he turns the family against itself to seek vengeance and escape the debt.
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    2 Reviews

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    1. mrmmr Logliner
      2019-02-28T17:47:46+10:00Added an answer on February 28, 2019 at 5:47 pm

      The most interesting part of this logline is the protagonist’s plan to seek vengeance by turning the family against itself. I absolutely love that. Because of this, get rid of the debt subplot – it’s unnecessary and not as interesting.

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    2. Robb Ross Samurai
      2019-03-01T04:24:31+10:00Added an answer on March 1, 2019 at 4:24 am

      Great start. I like revenge stories and especially when there’s something fresh about them.

      >>a cocky mechanic

      What’s the intent behind cocky? A guy taking revenge indirectly doesn’t sound cocky and he doesn’t feel so ironic in that predicament. With the predicament he’s in and the indirect plan, a significant flaw doesn’t even feel necessary. Was it considered to go with a trait or talent that would shed light on how he would turn the family against itself? In other words, to differentiate this more from the first Punisher movie.

      >>After falling in debt to a crime family,
      >>is forced to strip stolen cars for an auto-garage,

      These can be combined and shortened since the real hook starts when the love interest is killed.

      >>to seek vengeance and escape the debt.

      Escaping the debt is understood with the vengeance.

      Does it pay specifying the main antag?

      My two cents.

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