Penpusher
Posted: 2016-07-19T08:11:51+10:00 In:

After growing up destitute, a young woman must decide between love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.

After growing up destitute, a young woman must decide between love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      A logline is a terse statement of the plot. ?And a plot is not about the protagonist having to make a choice as a result of an inciting incident. ?Rather, a plot is about what happens after the protagonist makes?the choice.

      Unfortunately this logline lacks both an inciting incident and a clearly defined objective goal for the protagonist.?”After growing up destitute…” is ?more back story than an incident incident. ? And “must decide…” is a dramatic predicament — ?not an objective goal.

      What is the inciting incident and what becomes the young woman’s objective goal as a result?

      And who or what opposes her?

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    2. Singularity

      What DPG said.

      Also, loglines benefit from clarity, not an abundance of detail per say just necessary detail that describes the big plot points. Descriptions such as “…love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.” are vague, as they could be describing many different things most of which are unrelated to the story. Point is be specific -?if?”…love?” means marring the man or woman she loves, and “?opulence?” means marrying a rich person she doesn’t love, then write that she must choose between marrying for either true love or riches.

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    3. This is more of a theme than a logline, add an antagonist or a ticking clock to add tension.

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    4. Samurai

      Hey Naven,

      An inciting incident appears to be missing.?What major event happens that makes the MC have to decide between love and mediocrity? If you answer that, a clear antagonist should come naturally, too.

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