After her dad dies of a heart attack, a depressed girl struggles with drug addiction, threatening her chances for graduation while her mother battles alcoholism.
JonathanLogliner
After her dad dies of a heart attack, a depressed girl struggles with drug addiction, threatening her chances for graduation while her mother battles alcoholism.
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I ?assume the objective goal is for her to graduate. ?The logline should be reframed with a more direct statement of that as her objective goal.
While all her personal problems may threaten her chances to graduate, ?why does she care about graduating? ?(Which is also to ask, why should we in the audience care?) ?Why MUST she graduate? ?IOW: what are her stakes? ?Becoming the 1st member of her family to go college break out of a vicious cycle of poverty. ?Getting a scholarship to pursue her dream career?
What is her dream, anyway? ?Her biggest dream? ?Whatever it is, that should be what is at stake in graduating. ?It’s got to be about more than just getting a scrap of paper.
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that a story needs to be framed within a finite amount of time and set sequence of events – start, middle and end. In other words, describe an inciting incident, obstacle and goal. Her father dying could constitute and inciting incident, but it then lacks a causal connection to her goal to graduate. I suggest re-thinking this concept with a causally connected event and goal, for example: If her father dies of a rare form of cancer her goal could be to get into medical school and find a cure for it.